you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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