During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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