What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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