...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
