So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
