I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
