I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
