thus making me awesome and them whores
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
