i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
