the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
