Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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