are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he puts the penis in happiness.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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