Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
