This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
