can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
