she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
