I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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