Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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