How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
