I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
