you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
