then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
