definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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