Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
