Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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