i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
