And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
