She is in my trunk
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
