btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
