i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
