Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
