so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
