Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
