We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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