I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
