he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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