All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
is it fun? or sober?
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