Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
