I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
