dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
