You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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