hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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