I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
