I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
