Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
