Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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