She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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