Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
