remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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