I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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