my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't deserve a penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
