and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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