Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
