You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
