wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
