Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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