who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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