Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
