do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
