Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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