She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
