beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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