I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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