I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
