I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
