I want to make a zoo with you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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