I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Barsexuality is the new black.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
