I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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