how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
